Plot twist: I actually can’t wait to have kids someday, but man, there are a lot of reasons why I’m glad that today is not that day. Putting in several long years as a nanny, as many of you know, is some of the best birth control out there right now. And even though that period of my work life is over, I am still very much in recovery. For now, let’s talk about why not having kids is amazing. *Makes cross formation over chest and thanks the Contraception Gods.*
1. Getting woken up in the middle of the night to wipe shit out of another human’s ass crack might not be your definition of rock-bottom, but it’s mine.
2. Having to be responsible for someone else — someone who prevents you from staying out late at parties — is just so lame and sad.
3. Having someone look up…